Silver Star- a Waste of Money and Time

 

 

So, first off, stop reading if you have any desire to visit  Silver Star because you will not want to know what I have to say!! Also don’t read this if you have ever enjoyed any of the runs, snow or even the people there because you will probably get offended.  Don’t even think of going there or even looking at any of their adds in magazines. You WILL now know  the truth after you are finished reading this.

I was kind of thinking why Silver Star’s catch phrase  is “My Mountain” because you would think that the place would be legendary like Revelstoke with its high peaks and wicked terrain,  not just some piece of crap mole  hill. I would say that their little village area looks more like my grandma’s old folks home than an actual ski resort.  And at least Big White is not so cheap they have to make their own snow, like come on if you have to make your own snow I think that’s a sign, the snow gods don’t like you!!

I mean, I know the same guy owns Big White and Silver Star but I think its kind of obvious which mountain he prefers.  Considering that Big White has way  more chairs,  runs, shops, condos and way more things to do like Tube, Ice climb, Skate, and even dog sled! I mean I don’t even think he has a place at Silver Star. I honestly think he is ashamed of Silver Star.

I hope you took what I said into consideration, and why you should not waste your money on buying a worthless day pass there.

Dear my Dog Rover

    Dear My Dog Rover:

Why can’t you be a normal dog that does not pea on all my homework and clothes? And why do have to come to my bed and pant in my face in the middle of the night? Even though I love you, I do get mad when you poo inside my shoe, and of course I don’t even check to see if anything is there.  I can’t believe we bought you for such an unreasonable price.  You looked so cute but the minute you stepped out of your cage it was mayhem.   Please stop sneaking under the fence and crapping in front of the neighbor’s window.  Oh ya, and Rover guests are not chew toys.

Animal control has only had to come over twice in the last 3 months so I guess I could be happy about that. And I guess the neighbors haven’t come to complain about your muddy dog tracks all over their perfect driveway or when you thought that it would be fun to go and roll all over their amazing garden. I mean I guess it’s our fault, what did we expect buying a beagle.

I still remember the first time you came here, it was Thanksgiving and you were only 6 months old. We were having the whole family over, some even came from Vancouver.  The table was set perfectly; the wonderful place mats from Australia and the fascinating center piece of wild flowers my aunt brought all the way from Montreal. It was all going to be perfect. The turkey was being set on the table.  Of course you somehow slipped out of your cage and ran full speed at the table jumped up on it and stole the turkey right from the plate. And oh god did dad ever give you a whippin’. You never ever did that again.

Although it is fun throwing the ball for you and every thing, it  I am starting to wander if you’re deaf or just have selective hearing, because you seem to hear everyone but me.

How did you get to smell so bad? You’re worse than garbage that hasn’t been taken out for a month and my dads feet, COMBINED. I consider bringing you hiking, even though we will have to wear a close peg on our noses.

Vets say dog’s noses are 10 times better than humans, but I am starting to question that considering your own farts don’t even bother you. Your farts are probably worse than my older brother’s farts, especially after 2 cans of beans.   You’re flatulence is enough to make someone pass out.  And we think that’s enough to kill a baby bear from ten feet away. Maybe I should even feed you the top notch dog food that’s supposed to be the best stuff out there.

Okay, I know I might have only talked about the small annoying things, but you know in your heart I really do love you.

From your faithful owner,

Storm.

The Ultimate RedNeck Truck

Could you imagine seeing this tank like beast on the highway? With the awesome American flag duct taped to the back window and a couch in the cab of the truck this a red neck DREAM truck. This truck is simply for tearing through mud and ripping the wilderness apart.  This is the most manly truck you’ll find.

The interior looks as dirty as hell, just what a redneck needs.  Imagine your 318 semi auto sniper rifle leaning against the dash while you’re looking out your wicked camo tinted windows at the two hotties in the lane beside you. Huge bolts duct taped to the two front tires for  scaling up to the front seats. This awesome camo paint job just proves that you’re  the new cool guy on the block. Kids run and cry when the towering shadow reaches over them.

Custom Tires provide you for spitting out the most mud,dirt and gravel possible at the lazy office worker behind you.  His dinkie wind shield wipers going, trying to stop the shrapnel from hitting his cheap skate little smart car running on an even more cheap skate electric battery.

Now this thing is so awesome it even has heated seats, and not any heated seats, these baby’s feel like they have been in Gordon Ramsay’s microwave oven.

The head lights on  this beast are 500 000 watts, that’s enough for your baby brother to go blind from 50 yards away with his eyes shut. And don’t even ask what happens when you turn on the high beams.

Now are you going to step up to the plate and buy this sucker or are you  going to keep driving an amateur’s  truck? This tank is only on for $23 000  so buy  until its too late.

Roller coaster

The eighty feet tall tiger striped roller coaster is standing in front of me.  Kids screaming and crying as they get off, adults even vomiting in the nearest puke bucket, some not making it that far. The smell tastes rancid as it travels through my lungs,  breathing it out as quickly as possible.  “Sir sir please come take a seat” the operator tirely shouts.  I sprint to the seat trying not to waste his time, rushing to pull the safety guard down.  People impatiently waiting in the lower line up.

             A booming voice comes on starting the count down… ONE… my fingers tightly wrapped around the guard…TWO… holding my breath ready for take off.  THREE …we zoom off traveling at high speeds through the tight corners and long virtual climbs. Suddenly the ground swallows us, people are screaming frantically. Someone, a couple seats back, vomits to the side giving the person behind a nice smell.  We pop back to ground level the coaster suddenly slows and starts climbing the eighty foot towering mountain.  I am breathing heavily into the lady in front of me.  Almost reaching the summit I start regretting eating the corn dog an hour ago.

          “Clik klak”  the machine goes, a few meters from the top. “AAAAHHHH!!!!!!”.  The roller coaster rips down the steel tracks reaching seventy mph.  The only thing holding me back from puking is the violent wind forcing it back into my mouth. The coaster reaches the landing area and I can’t help but to pass out.                        

Skiing

One day me and my friend Patrick were at Big white. It was a nice day 12cm of new pow and we were going to shred it up.  After a couple runs we both decided that we wanted to learn a 720 quaked. We wanted to build the jump right beside his condo on a run called perfection. About 30 minutes into the jump we build it to be 4 and a half feet tall.  We decided to put a bit of a lip on the end of it so that we would get as much height as possible.  “I think that’s good enough” Patrick says as he looks at me.

       “Ya, I guess I’ll go first” I say as I trudge up the long steep icy slope with my heavy unconformable boots.  Finally I am at the top I click my boots into my skis and give a good hard push with my poles.  Down the hill I go in the crouch position, trying to gain as much speed as I can before I hit that terrifying beastly jump.  I see it coming. I get low, ready to engage. Suddenly I am air born, soaring through the endless ski. I slightly turn my body sideways and spin one full 360 trying to get the other but I can only get half.  I look down the snow is closer than I thought.  THIS IS GOING TO HURT I think.  I land….. on my skis I am alive, relief.  My back smashes into the tree behind me sending a chill across my whole body. I fall to the ground.      

      

Exploding Fish

      Jacob is 16years old and just got a new fishing rod for his birthday.  He is tempted to jump out his window and run to the lake to meet his buddys.  But instead he is stuck in his room grounded!

      Finally, he works up the courage to sneakout.  He is thinking about sneaking down stairs but there is the posibilty of  geting caught. Jacub looks out his window it is about an 8feet drop.  He jumps out.  Fishing rod in hand.  A little shacken up but he runs to the lake. When he gets there he does not see anyone, weird.  Jacub casts out his line, it takes 15min for him to get a bite.  Its a bigcone the thinks to himself.  Finaly he reels it in.  Jacub is holding is holding the fish in his hands it must weigh 20 pounds.  The fish starts getting hoter and hoter on till it explodes. Its fins slicing through his flese.  Scales cuting his throat.  Jacub is thrown against a nearbuy tree.  The impact snaps Jacubs neck.