Dear my Dog Rover

    Dear My Dog Rover:

Why can’t you be a normal dog that does not pea on all my homework and clothes? And why do have to come to my bed and pant in my face in the middle of the night? Even though I love you, I do get mad when you poo inside my shoe, and of course I don’t even check to see if anything is there.  I can’t believe we bought you for such an unreasonable price.  You looked so cute but the minute you stepped out of your cage it was mayhem.   Please stop sneaking under the fence and crapping in front of the neighbor’s window.  Oh ya, and Rover guests are not chew toys.

Animal control has only had to come over twice in the last 3 months so I guess I could be happy about that. And I guess the neighbors haven’t come to complain about your muddy dog tracks all over their perfect driveway or when you thought that it would be fun to go and roll all over their amazing garden. I mean I guess it’s our fault, what did we expect buying a beagle.

I still remember the first time you came here, it was Thanksgiving and you were only 6 months old. We were having the whole family over, some even came from Vancouver.  The table was set perfectly; the wonderful place mats from Australia and the fascinating center piece of wild flowers my aunt brought all the way from Montreal. It was all going to be perfect. The turkey was being set on the table.  Of course you somehow slipped out of your cage and ran full speed at the table jumped up on it and stole the turkey right from the plate. And oh god did dad ever give you a whippin’. You never ever did that again.

Although it is fun throwing the ball for you and every thing, it  I am starting to wander if you’re deaf or just have selective hearing, because you seem to hear everyone but me.

How did you get to smell so bad? You’re worse than garbage that hasn’t been taken out for a month and my dads feet, COMBINED. I consider bringing you hiking, even though we will have to wear a close peg on our noses.

Vets say dog’s noses are 10 times better than humans, but I am starting to question that considering your own farts don’t even bother you. Your farts are probably worse than my older brother’s farts, especially after 2 cans of beans.   You’re flatulence is enough to make someone pass out.  And we think that’s enough to kill a baby bear from ten feet away. Maybe I should even feed you the top notch dog food that’s supposed to be the best stuff out there.

Okay, I know I might have only talked about the small annoying things, but you know in your heart I really do love you.

From your faithful owner,



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